Happy Monday Everyone! Today’s newsletter: 716 words…2.7 mins
🗞 Today’s Edition: Ukraine’s James Bond-worthy Moves; Paris falls; Anduril & Meta team-up… & more!
🚨 Watch For: Russia Ukraine talks at Istanbul (happening now!), Merz’s visit to the White House - Thursday, June 5th
♟️THE CHESSBOARD
Geopolitics Decoded In 3 Moves
Riots & Mayhem in Paris
📌 Paris Burns (Literally) After PSG’s Big Win
Parisians traded champagne for chaos after PSG’s first Champions League victory, as celebrations morphed into Euro 2020-level riots—just with more designer loot.
🔥 Key Scenes:
Champs-Élysées turned warzone: Masked rioters raided Foot Locker (priorities!) and Chanel (upgrading their drip mid-riot).
264 cars torched, 2 dead, 491 arrested...and counting—Paris looked like Mad Max meets Emily in Paris.
1 officer in a coma after taking a Roman candle to the face.
🔍 Bottom Line: Sacré bleu indeed.
☢️US Slams "Take It or Leave It" Nuke Deal on Iran’s Desk
Trump’s envoy Steve Witkoff finally put ink to paper—dropping a "detailed" (read: ultimatum-laced) offer on Tehran. Oman’s playing postman, but Iran’s FM hints maybe 1-2 more rounds could seal it.
🔥 Key Context:
5 rounds of talks (all in fancy neutral spots—Rome, Muscat)
Oman’s "Hail Mary": Proposing creative loopholes to save face for both sides
US Threat Subtext: "Best interest" = "or else"
🔍 Bottom Line: Is Tehran desperate enough to swallow Trump’s terms—or just playing for time?
⚡Poland’s Succession Moment: 0.89% Margin, 100% Chaos
Move over, Logan Roy—Poland's presidential knife-fight ended with nationalist Nawrocki (50.89%) vowing to torch EU reforms and Ukraine's NATO dreams.
🔥 Plot Twist:
"Grain Games": Polish Farmers vs. Ukrainian imports (Cue: "Poland First" montage)
Migrant Backlash: Bipartisan support dropped faster than HBO Max shows (94% → 57%)
Bipartisan Betrayal: Both candidates agreed: "No Polish boots in Ukraine".
🔍 Bottom Line: Poland’s still Team Ukraine—but now with itemized receipts.
🗽 THE EMPIRE FILES
Political Drama From DC To NYC
Mohamed Sabry Soliman shouts “Free Palestine” before attacking elderly Jews
🔥America’s Wake-Up Call: Hamas-Style Attack Hits U.S. Soil
An Egyptian asylum-seeker (Mohamed Sabry Soliman) turned a pro-Israel rally into a burn ward, screaming "Free Palestine" while torching elderly Jews with a homemade flamethrower. 8 hospitalized— 1 critical.
Overstayed expired visa (2023)
$10M bond for attempted murder/hate crimes
Hamas-style burn tactics on U.S. streets
🔍 Bottom Line: Open season on the Jewish community as pro-Hamas protests are given legitimacy in the name of “pro-Palestine”, “peace” and “ceasefire”.
🚨 DHS to Congress: Your Office Is Not A Sanctuary
DHS agents detained a staffer in Rep. Nadler's Manhattan office without a warrant during nearby immigration protests. The crying aide—released after 40 minutes—was accused of "obstructing" agents. Nadler called it "authoritarian overreach"; DHS cited "security concerns."
Why It Matters:
First-ever ICE raid on sitting Congress member's office
Tests constitutional separation of powers
Part of broader crackdown on "sanctuary" resistance
🤖 CODES & POWER
Tech Wars, Crypto Chaos, and AI’s Black Mirror Moments
Anduril and Meta join forces to build military gear
💸🔥 Dimon’s Bullets > Bitcoin Bet
JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon slammed Trump's Bitcoin reserve plan, urging the U.S. to stockpile "guns, bullets, and rare earths" instead, warning America only has 7 days of missiles in a South China Sea war scenario 17.
Irony Alert: JPMorgan will soon let clients buy Bitcoin (but won’t custody it)
🕶️🔫 Meta’s Pivot to Patriotism - Meta Teams Up with Anduril for USA
Meta (Mark Zuckerberg) and Anduril (Palmer Luckey) are teaming up to build AI-powered AR helmets for U.S. troops, merging Meta’s Llama AI with Anduril’s Lattice battlefield system. The tech promises real-time threat detection and "technomancer" soldier upgrades.
Irony Alert: Luckey was fired by Meta in 2017 for supporting Trump.
📜THE DEEP DIVE
One killer insight to stash in your back pocket
Ukraine’s Masterful Drone Blitz
🕷️ Ukraine's "Spider's Web": The Drone Blitz That’s Giving James Bond
In a 1.5-year covert operation, Ukraine just pulled off the most audacious drone strike in modern history—smashing 40+ Russian bombers (Tu-95/Tu-22) at Siberian and Arctic bases thousands of miles behind enemy lines.
🔥 Operation Breakdown:
Stealth Delivery: Drones smuggled in trucks/sheds near airfields, then swarmed simultaneously at Belaya (Irkutsk) and Olenya (Murmansk). After which, the trucks were reported to have self-destructed
FSB Taunt: SBU agents operated next to FSB HQs before exfiltrating—Zelensky’s "special thanks" message was actually a middle finger to Putin
Visuals: Bombers burning on tarmacs, smoke plumes visible for miles (Russia claims "no casualties" but footage says otherwise)
🔍 What This Means:
Strategic Shift: Russia can no longer hide bombers in Siberia—Ukraine just erased its "safe zone" doctrine
Covert Ops 2.0: SBU proved it can infiltrate/implant assets deep in Russia for years
Leverage: Strike timed the day before Istanbul negotiations = Zelensky negotiating from strength.
💀 Bottom Line: The stealth and genius of this operation rivals Russia’s pipeline infiltration ops that enabled it to take back Kursk.
💀 THE ROAST
Because World Leaders Beg To Be Dragged
🔌 Power Plug: If House of Dragon and House of Cards had a baby, it’d still be less dramatic than this week. - @NewzHawk