Happy Tuesday Everyone! Today’s newsletter: 1,029 words…3.8 mins
🗞 Today’s Edition: Trump to Allies: “Go Get Your Own Oil”, Iran Threatens US Tech, American Journalist Kidnapped, Military Bunker Under Ballroom, Open AI's Record-breaking Funding Round, Meta's AI Prescription Glasses … & much more!
💵 Did you know, not everyone was chipper about paper money back in 1861. Read more below.
📜THE HIGHLIGHT
One killer insight to stash in your back pocket
🛢 Trump to Allies: “Go Get Your Own Oil”
This morning, President Donald Trump dropped a Truth Social grenade, telling allies like the United Kingdom to go get jet oil themselves.
I have a suggestion for you: Number 1, buy from the U.S., we have plenty, and Number 2, build up some delayed courage, go to the Strait, and just TAKE IT.
🔍 Context: The Strait of Hormuz — the artery for ~20% of global oil — is effectively a war zone. Since late Feb, U.S.-Israel strikes have gutted Iran’s military command and infrastructure. But Tehran still has enough juice to choke shipping with drones, mines, and naval harassment.
⚔ The tension: Europe mostly sat out the offensive phase. Now they’re getting hit with the fallout — fuel shortages, rising prices, economic stress.
💬 Trump’s message:
Buy American energy (we’ve got plenty)
Or send your own ships and secure it yourself
Don’t expect Uncle Sam to babysit global trade routes anymore
You’ll have to start learning how to fight for yourself, the U.S.A. won’t be there to help you anymore, just like you weren’t there for us… The hard part is done. Go get your own oil!
💡Why it matters: If the U.S. actually steps back, NATO allies face a brutal choice: militarize fast or pay a premium for security. Either way, the era of “free American protection” is looking very over.
♟️THE CHESSBOARD
Geopolitics Decoded In 3 Moves
💥 Iran Wants To Strike American Big Tech
Starting April 1, 8 PM Tehran time, the IRGC announced American big tech facilities (offices, data centers, etc.) could be hit — and even told workers nearby to evacuate.
Who: ~18 U.S. giants — including Microsoft, Google, Apple, Nvidia and Palantir Technologies — are “legitimate military targets” across the Gulf.
Why: Tehran claims these firms helped U.S.-Israeli strikes and assassination ops by enabling surveillance, targeting, or data support.
💡Bottom line: With its military weakened, Iran is shifting to asymmetric warfare — drones, proxies, and cyber hits on economic targets.
🥷 American Journalist Kidnapped In Iraq
American journalist Shelly Kittleson was abducted in broad daylight in Baghdad Tuesday — a throwback to Iraq’s most dangerous years. Kittleson, 49, is a veteran war correspondent for Al-Monitor, BBC, and Foreign Policy
What happened: Armed men dragged her from a vehicle on Saadoun Street (near the Baghdad/Palestine Hotel zone) and sped off. Iraqi forces launched an immediate manhunt, arresting one suspect after a chase — but Kittleson wasn’t in the car.
Who’s behind it: No official claim, but suspicion is falling on Iran-linked militias tied to the Popular Mobilization Forces.
💡Bottom line: U.S. State Department is engaged and coordinating with Iraqi authorities; her status remains unconfirmed as of press time.
✈ European Allies Block US Military Flights
Spain has closed its airspace to U.S. military planes tied to Iran ops, while France is blocking select overflights carrying weapons to Israel.
This isn’t a full ban — it’s targeted. But it forces U.S. aircraft to reroute, burn more fuel, and rethink logistics.
Spain’s PM Pedro Sánchez called the war “profoundly illegal and unjust.”
Response: Israel plans to halt all defense purchases from France — calling the airspace denial the "last straw," while Trump called France’s move “VERY UNHELPFUL.”
💡Why it matters: Some European allies aren't just sitting on the sidelines anymore — they're actively blocking efforts to dismantle one of the world's most dangerous, nuclear-aspiring, terror-exporting regimes. Pick a side.
🗽THE EMPIRE FILES
Political Drama From DC To NYC
🏗️ Beneath the Ballroom, A Military Bunker
Aboard Air Force One this weekend, President Trump confirmed the U.S. military is building a major underground secure facility beneath the new White House East Wing — with the $400 million ballroom above it serving, as a protective shed.
The project expands a bunker originally built under FDR in the 1940s.
⚡Meanwhile, Federal Judge Richard Leon (a Bush appointee) issued a preliminary injunction March 31st, halting construction until Congress provides explicit statutory authorization
💵 Trump's Signature Is Coming to Your Dollar Bills — A First in 165 Years
Starting June 2026, newly printed $100 bills will carry President Trump's signature alongside Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent's — replacing the U.S. Treasurer's spot, which has appeared on American currency since 1861.
No sitting President has ever signed a circulating U.S. banknote.
Designs unchanged — portraits, security features intact; only the signature line gets swapped
⚡Critics call it unprecedented — arguing it politicizes a symbol deliberately kept neutral for over a century. The Treasury calls it a tribute to America’s 250th year.
🤖 CODES & POWER
Tech Wars, Crypto Chaos, and AI’s Black Mirror Moments
👓 Meta’s AI Prescription Glasses
Meta just dropped new prescription-ready smart glasses with Ray-Ban and Oakley — and this time, they’re built for everyday wear, not just tech bros.
The upgrade: AI-powered glasses with camera, voice assistant, translation, and audio — now optimized for real prescriptions (including progressives).
⚡The play: Sell through opticians, not just online, meaning mainstream adoption. Price starts at $499.
💰 OpenAI Just Closed the Largest Private Funding Round in History — $122 Billion
At an $852B valuation, OpenAI confirmed the close of a round anchored by Amazon ($50B), Nvidia and SoftBank ($30B each), plus T. Rowe Price, Abu Dhabi's MGX, and others.
CFO Sarah Friar called it "the most successful fundraising round in history."
IPO likely next — widely viewed as OpenAI's final major private raise before a potential 2026 public debut.
⚡OpenAI just raised more money privately than most countries' annual defense budgets — the race to AGI now has a $122 billion accelerator behind it.
📺 FUN FACTS & TRIVIA
Did You Know?
When the U.S. issued its first paper money — Demand Notes — in 1861, many merchants distrusted them so much they accepted the bills only at a discount, demanding a premium over solid gold coins.
Government use to pay soldiers and salaries, plus official promotions, helped build acceptance.
By early 1862, the Legal Tender Act made later “greenbacks” legal tender for most debts, leading to wider circulation despite ongoing depreciation against gold.