Happy Monday Everyone! Today’s newsletter: 895 words…3.4 mins
🗞 Today’s Edition: Baby Grok, Manhattan Shooting, EU Preps for Trade War, Obama Under Investigation, Figma IPO… & much more!
🚨 Watch For:
Philippines President Marcos to visit the White House tomorrow.
3rd round of Russia-Ukraine talks scheduled for July 23rd-24th at Istanbul, Turkey
📜THE HIGHLIGHT
One killer insight to stash in your back pocket
Inset: Nunez and Aybar-Berroa with image of park robbery; DHS Sec. Kristi Noem flanked by Border Czar Tom Homan
🗽 Off‑duty CBP Officer Shot in Manhattan
💥 An off-duty CBP officer was shot in the face and arm during a botched robbery at Riverside Park by two suspects—both illegal migrants with rap sheets longer than a CVS receipt.
The officer (now stable) returned fire, wounding one attacker. But the real drama unfolded after the cuffs clicked.
🥷 The Suspects:
Miguel Mora Nunez (21): Entered illegally in 2023, with arrests for kidnapping, witness intimidation, and an outstanding MA warrant for armed robbery.
Christhian Aybar-Berroa: Crossed in 2022, arrested 8 times in 2024 alone for grand larceny. NYC’s revolving door kept spinning.
🫵 The Blame Game:
DHS Secretary Kristi Noem, flanked by border czar Tom Homan and CBP Commissioner, slammed NYC's sanctuary rules—claiming they “allowed dangerous illegal aliens to remain free”. She vowed to “flood the zone” with ICE agents and push for policy reversals.
Mayor Eric Adams defended his stance: sanctuary doesn’t protect violent criminals, but courts do—and he's open to targeted cooperation.
💡 Why it matters:
Legal tug‑of‑war: This case highlights the tension between local sovereignty and federal enforcement—and how flawed cooperation impacts public safety.
Political flashpoint: Conservatives see evidence for sanctuary rollback; Democrats warn ICE crackdowns could alienate migrant communities.
♟️THE CHESSBOARD
Geopolitics Decoded In 3 Moves
President Trump; European Commission President Ursula Von Der Leyen, German Chancellor Friedrich Merz
🇪🇺 EU Preps €72B Retaliation as Trump Tariffs Loom
💶 The EU is finalizing a €72B hit list of U.S. goods—from Boeing aircraft to Kentucky bourbon—in response to Trump’s looming 30% tariffs starting Aug. 1.
🇩🇪 Germany wants to go beyond tit-for-tat negotiations, backing digital taxes and procurement bans; even triggering the anti-coercion law—a legal nuke Brussels has never used before.
🔍 Bottom line: Europe’s done playing nice. This could fracture the world’s biggest trade corridor.
🇮🇷 Iran, Europe, and the Last-Ditch Nuclear Summit
Iran will meet the E3—France, Germany, and the UK—in Istanbul on Friday, with a nuclear deal (and new sanctions) hanging in the balance.
👀 Context: The 2015 deal is on life support post-Israel/US strikes.
🕰️ Deadline: The E3 threaten UN sanctions by August if talks flop.
Why it matters: Snapback sanctions could crush what’s left of Iran’s economy—triggering more regional chaos, oil price spikes, and dragging China and Russia closer to Tehran.
🇧🇩 Deadly Jet Crash Rocks Dhaka School
✈ A Bangladesh Air Force F-7 BGI training jet crashed into a Dhaka school on Monday, killing 19 people—including the pilot—and injuring 160+, mostly students aged 12–16.
The jet malfunctioned minutes after takeoff and plowed into classrooms during exams, igniting a firestorm.
🔊 Bangladesh declared a national day of mourning; as officials cite mechanical failure.
🗽THE EMPIRE FILES
Political Drama From DC To NYC
Astronomer’s new CEO, Pete DeJoy; ex CEO Andy Byron and HR Head Kristin Calbot
🚀 Astronomer’s New CEO Turns ‘Kiss Cam’ Scandal Into Brand Boost
Astronomer’s new CEO, Pete DeJoy, addressed the viral “kiss cam” drama that ousted ex-CEO Andy Byron—calling it “surreal,” but celebrating that the AI startup is now a “household name.”
🫢💋 Byron went viral as he was caught cheating with HR head Kristin Cabot at a Coldplay concert. It also triggered $7 million in prediction market bets on Kalshi and Polymarket, on his ouster (he resigned last Saturday).
DeJoy’s cheeky response? “We never shy from challenges.”
🇺🇸 America’s new favorite pastime? The “Kiss Cam” has now become the “Cheat Cam” at every concert and sporting event, as couples reenact this viral moment. Ladies and gentlemen, America has finally united!
⚖ Gabbard Drops the Mic (and a Political Nuke) on Obama-Era Intel
👀 DNI Tulsi Gabbard just lobbed a MAGA-shaped grenade into DC’s forever-war, accusing Obama officials of “treasonous conspiracy” to fabricate Russia-gate intel.
Obama-era officials—including Brennan, Rice, and Clapper— have been referred to the DOJ for criminal prosecution.
➡️ Trump shared an AI deepfake of Obama in cuffs (“YMCA” soundtrack included)—because nothing says “democratic accountability” like synthetic humiliation.
➡️ Dems are screaming “conspiracy theory”, while GOP reps dub it “Watergate on steroids”
NYC Angle: Wall Street’s betting on whether this ends in prosecutions or a Succession-style backroom truce.
🤖 CODES & POWER
Tech Wars, Crypto Chaos, and AI’s Black Mirror Moments
Musk’s Baby Grok: From Edgelord to After-School Special
After Grok’s NSFW meltdown—anime waifus, extremist jokes—Elon’s xAI is dropping Baby Grok, a “kid-safe” AI.
👶 Designed for children, it’s a full 180 from the chaos engine Grok became.
🎯 Strategy: Rehab xAI’s image, tap into family markets, and compete with OpenAI’s educational tools.
Bottom line: It’s Grok, but make it Sesame Street - hopefully not Elmo if you catch our drift…
💰 Figma’s IPO—VCs Cash Out While Dylan Field Banks $60M+
Figma’s IPO lets early investors (Index, Sequoia, Greylock) dump $1.5B+ in shares—while CEO Dylan Field pockets ~$62M (and keeps 74% voting control via supervoting shares).
🤔 The twist? Secondary sales outpace new shares 2:1, signaling either insane demand or a liquidity grab in a starved VC market.
🔥 Hot take: This isn’t an exit—it’s a strategic ATM withdrawal. The IPO could raise $1.5B+, making it 2025’s biggest. Tech bros, mount up.
📺 FUN FACTS & TRIVIA
🕺 Fred Astaire’s Pragmatic Beginnings
Fred Astaire’s mother sent him to dance lessons with his older sister Adele in 1905 so that she wouldn’t have to spend extra money on a babysitter.
Mother Astaire’s frugal decision quite literally molded her son’s destiny as his talent catapulted him into legendary status.
💀 THE ROAST
Because World Leaders Beg To Be Dragged
